The black cat. Feelings (part two)

Se simtea pierduta in spatiu. Nu stia ce sa mai creada, ce sa mai faca, ce sa mai zica… Statea pur si simplu si se uita in gol, de parca raspunsurile la nelamuririle ei ar fi fost acolo, si le-ar fi stiut daca ar fi intins mana dupa ele. Dar nu er aasa de simplu. Se simtea obosita, nu mai vroia sa mai creada nimic, sa mai faca nimic, sa mai spuna nimic… Ii era dor de o imbratisare calda, de un sarut pasional, de o noapte alba dupa care sa nu se simta obosita. Parea ca a trecut o vesnicie de cand oricare din lucrurile astea s-a intamplat, desi trecuse aproape o zi de la ultimul sarut.

***

Se facea dimineata. Soarele era doar un disc rosu, la care te puteai uita fara sa ti se incetoseze vederea. Ii era inca putin somn, dar nu a deschis ochii, intorcandu-se pe cealalta parte a patului. A simtit cum respiratia lui i se plimba pe gat si pe ceafa, intr-un ritm lent, ca si cum nu ar fi vrut sa o trezeasca. A simtit cum isi lasa usor greutatea pe ea, si cum o ia in brate si incepe sa o sarute. A simtit cum el isi plimba mana prin parul ei, si o saruta din ce in ce mai pasional… Ii era frica sa deschida ochii, sa nu fie doar unul din visele ei…

Simtea cum saruturile coboara de pe buze pe gat, pe piept, pe umeri, din ce in ce mai infometate. Gemea usor de placere si nu facea nici o miscare; era ca o papusa in bratele lui…

Ei tot ii era frica sa deschida ochii….

Gradina Japoneza

Puteam sa simt luna cum mangaia gradina din jurul meu, o puteam simti adanc in sufletul meu, ma facea sa ma simt mic si singur, dar in acelasi timp puternic, animalic… lupul din mine simtea nevoia sa dea capul pe spate si sa urle, sa urle catre astrul iubit, adorat inexplicabil si ravnit. Ma simteam singur in gradina ce se intindea dincolo de umbrele intunecate ale gardului inalt, marginit parca doar de norii negrii si rauvoitori ce pareau ca izvorasc direct din cosmarurile mele; nu stiu cand am trecut prin poarta inalta si cum am ajuns pe aleea luminata de lampadare cu lumina tremuratoare si pala, asezate in asa fel incat puteam doar ghici daca dupa urmatorul colt voi gasi lumina lor sau doar intunericul apasator ce simteam ca intra in adancul meu. La fiecare pas simt pietrisul sub talpi, intepator si rece, ma uit in jos la talpile mele goale si nu-mi pot da seama ce caut eu acolo descult. Incerc sa-mi aduc aminte ceva, si nu pot sa-mi dau seama ce, merg in continuare in linistea sfidata doar de pietrisul de sub picioarele mele si de clipocitul apei. Apa pe care nu o vad, dar o pot simti, ii pot simti mirosul, aproape ca o pot atinge dar nu o vad. Dupa inca cativa pasi aleea coteste dupa un palc de arbusti ciudati … Imi ajung doar pana la urma dar arata batrani, maturi, de parca ar fi acolo de secole. Atunci imi dau seama unde sunt, sunt intr-o gradina japoneza, dar nu exista astfel de gradina in orasul meu, ce caut acolo, cum am ajuns acolo, de ce nu-mi aduc aminte cine sunt, de ce lupul din mine simte nevoia sa urle, sa sfasie de parca ar fi inchis intr-o cusca? Merg mai departe, poate raspunsul se gaseste in gradina asta fantastica, fantastica pentru ca este exact asa cum am vazut-o in poze, asa cum mi-am dorit-o sa fie, dar totusi atat de … rece. Pasii ma duc incet, aproape cu o vointa a lor, catre un lac si un pod lung, luminat de aceleasi lampadare timide. Ce pod ciudat, se termina dupa cativa metrii, pare ca a fost pur si simplu lasat asa, neterminat, ca o imagine ce-ti trece prin coltul privirii, dar nu reusesti sa o vezi cum trebuie, ramane doar senzatia .. asa se termina si podul, brusc, te lasa cu dorinta de a vedea si restul.

La capatul podului statea ea, nemiscata si tacuta. Parul negru ii cadea pe umerii aproape goi, acoperiti de un kimono rosu cu flori de tcires brodate subtil in testura ce parea inmuiata in sange. Ochii larg deschisi ma urmaresc, privirea ei ma cheama, dar buzele ei rosii, atat de putenic conturate pe pielea incredibil de alba, raman tacute, mainile cazute pe langa corp nu schiteaza nici un gest. Un fior electric trece prin mine, nu pot scoate o vorba, lupul din mine a ramas si el fixat in ochii negrii, adanci si captivanti. Ma apropii de ea, pas dupa pas si nu pot sa fac nimic, nu pot sa ma impotrivesc, nu vreau sa ma impotrivesc. Ajung langa ea, ii simt parfumul cum imi inunda narile, fata mea aproape ca atinge fata ei, rasuflarea mea se revarsa pe sanii ei de marmura ce se vad in decolteul adanc al kimonoului sangeriu, mana se ridica singura, aproape fara sa realizez… Ii ating fata si un fior rece, de gheata, ma strabate, simt … frig. Lupul se incolaceste in mine, nu mai spune nimic, tremura de frica in timp ce eu tremur de excitare si teama, o senzatie viscerala ma strabate, imi face ca fiecare fir de par sa se ridice, imi simt rasuflarea accelerata cand mana mea coboara pe sanul ei. Carnea ei este atat de rece, pare moarta, fara caldura, dar atat de moale si fina la atingere, atat de excitanta.

In acel moment simt cum mana trece prin kimono, incepe sa se incranceneze pe sanul ei, pare ca se topeste in carnea ei, sa se afunde spre inima ei, vreau sa o retrag si nu pot, se afunda in corpul ei ca intr-un vas cu apa, se opreste pe inima ei pietrificata. Simt cum caldura imi paraseste mana si ii incalzeste inima, simt cum incepe sa bata in palma mea, tot trupul ei se incalzeste. Un oftat ii iese din pieptul ce pare sa respire pentru prima oara in ultima mie de ani, cu pofta, tanguitor, doritor. Mainile ei ma cuprnd incet, imi apropie buzele de buzele ei, se incalzeste de la focul mocnit ce pare sa curga din mine in ea, simt cum lupul din mine se zbate, incearca sa ma faca sa fug de acolo… Vreau sa fug, dar nu pot, imi este frica si in acelasi timp sunt teribil de excitat, dar rece, rece ca o piatra, rece ca moartea ce se strecoara usor in sufletul meu si imi supune lupul…

Deschid ochii, mana mea tremura si incearca sa nimereasca butonul de oprire a ceasului. Am visat, totul a fost doar in capul meu, cel putin asa cred. Ochii imi cad pe posterul cu gradina japoneza, visul meu, pe schitele Inei, schitele casei noastre, ce o vom construi. Din bucatarie se aude zgomotul ibricului si se simte miros de cafea; in prag apare Ina, in kimonoul scurt si rosu ce ii lasa picioarele superbe libere. Se uita la mine, sprijinita in tocul usii, imi zambeste scuturandu-si parul negru de pe umerii goi.

-Iar ai avut cosmarul ala iubitule? Cafeaua e gata, hai ca intarzii la munca.

 

The Black Cat. Feelings

She felt that she was happy, but not completely. She had everything that she wished for. Everything was going the way she wanted. She would have long walks through the city at night, flowers every anniversary, a shoulder to cry on, someone who understood her. She could say that she was happy. She was able to laugh again, she was able to wake up and see him beside her, with his back turned to her. She would smile and hug him, waiting for him to wake up. She felt in love. She felt… she felt herself.
But beneath all that, she knew that something was missing. That little thing which made her smile even more, laugh even more. She never knew what it was, until one day, when while sitting in her favorite bar, all by herself, someone sat next to her. She heard a very familiar “Hello”. When she looked towards the origin of the sound, she was petrified. She couldn’t believe that it was HIM. The one who left her into pieces. The one who succeeded in rendering her emotionally invalid for a few years. The one who left with nothing else but a cold “Goodbye” and no explanation. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t talk.

***

“Hi… What are YOU doing here?”, said her.
“Just… curious. Of how you have been doing. Of seeing if you’re OK.”
“After 5 years? Are you serious? I should hit you. Right here, right now. But you owe me an explanation.”
“For?”
“So you don’t remember? You don’t remember leaving me by just telling me on the phone that we’re not gonna see each other again? Just like that, with no reasonable or unreasonable explanation.”
“I… I … It was just me. A problem I had”
“You can at least have the decency not to lie to me. Talk to me when you;re ready to tell me the truth” she said, sitting up and exiting the bar.

She didn’t know what to think anymore. She didn’t know what to feel anymore. She was confused, worried and happy in the same time. Now she just waited for him to give her a sign. And as she was walking in a fast pace, she heard her name being called. She turned her head back and she saw HIM….

[TO BE CONTINUED]

It was late…

…she was sleepy. She walked in her apartment, had a shower and fell asleep…

 

***

 

She felt embraced, touched everywhere. She thought she was dreaming, so she let the dream move on. The touches were getting more and more daring, until she felt him entering – slow at first, with increasing rhythm. She woke up, and saw it wasn’t a dream: it was really him standing next to her. She felt the urge to scream, but she couldn’t: she was numb. Next thing she knew, she was sat on the desk, legs opened and him in  front of her, holding her, penetrating her each time more violent. She could not speak: only moans came out of her mouth -soft moans of pleasure… She felt as if she had exploded and was put back together again, countless times…

 

***

She woke up the next morning lying in her bed. All seemed to her as a dream. But the smell of fresh coffee convinced her otherwise: it was really true. He had really been there, and still is.  She went on to the kitchen: she saw him, smiled and kissed him as she was offered the hot cup of coffee…

The Black Cat. Thoughts

She reached the conclusion that the magnetism she had towards men was not that good for any of the people involved. She would always end up hurting someone, and she disliked that so much. Her thoughts were scrambled; she could not think straight. She needed some time off – and she finally succeeded to do so. She cleared her head in a few hours, and she reached the conclusion that she needed some stability in her life.

But she could not forget the nights of ecstasy she once had. She could not forget the happiness of the moment, she could not forget the dark-haired man… She didn’t want to. She used to be happy, but something went wrong.

***

It was the same hot summer night which seems to repeat itself over and over again. But she liked it. She always had a nice feeling which made her smile, when walking at night. She only heard the echo sound made by her high-heel shoes. She could actually hear herself think. It was already dawn. She then realized she should be getting back home. When she arrived, he was still sleeping. He looked so innocent and sweet she could not help herself from playing in his hair and kissing him. He didn’t wake up, but he did have a smirk on his face. She went on and made coffee. Her mind was invaded by recent memories, from the previous night. His scent was still imprinted on her skin, so she was smiling and remembering the carnal pleasures she had experienced with him. She no longer felt the need to leave after everything was over. Could it be possible that she finally found her place?

He woke up. She didn’t hear him sneaking up on her, and she startled. They were concentrating on waking up in the scent of coffee and smoke…

Betrayal

Avea o atractie fizica puternica pentru Alex, n-ar fi vrut sa-i dea drumu din bratele ei si sa se opreasca din sarutari niciodata.

Dar…nu l-a ales pe el. l-a ales pe dusmanul sau. Acel om, cu cativa ani mai in varsta ca el, pentru simplul fapt ca el era acolo, si ea nu vorbise de mult cu Alex. A fost parasit pentru ca nu era acolo, pt ca ea nu a vorbit cu el. l-a tradat pentru cel mai mare dusman al lui Alex, dar acesta nu vroia sa lase totul sa treaca de la sine.

Ii promisese ca o va lasa in pace, ca nu ii va mai zambi, nu se va mai juca cu parul ei, nu o va atinge cum doar el stie.

Si cu toate astea, continua sa iasa cu ea, sa se intalneasca si sa-si zambeasca. Totul pana in acea zi…

Erau Alex, ea si noul ei partener impreuna cu cativa prieteni, la cineva acasa.

stateau pe fotolii separate, nu schimbau replici, priviri. Totul pana intr-un moment. Alex se ridica si se aseaza langa ea pe canapea. ii atinge bratul..”din greseala”, ii zambeste si se retrage…se lasa pe spate…si mana lui o atinge usor pe spate…o mangaie usor. ea se retrage, il refuza…pana cand se intoarce spre el, se urca deasupra lui si il saruta. partenerul ei se uita ciudat, nu pricepe de ce prietena lui este calare pe alex, il saruta nebuneste si incearca sa-l dezbrace….se ridica amandoi si fara sa spuna nimic, se retrag in dormitor, feriti de privirile celorlaltora.

el o arunca pe ea in pat, ii da bluza jos, ii descheie pantalonii si ii trage jos de pe ea rapid.

isi da tricoul jos si sta deasupra ei, o saruta…o saruta pe buze, pe gat…pe sani si pe abdomen…isi coboara mainile spre coapsele el…tot mai aproape…si incepe sa se joace cu ea, cu zona ei fierbinte…o maseaza incet….si intra in ea….cu 2 degete o penetreaza si ii priveste expresia fetei

o vede muscandu-si buza, si atunci realizeaza ca e a lui. o stapanea, ar fi facut orice vroia. o dezbraca de tot si incepe sa ii sarute coapsele ..apropiindu-se de zona fierbinte..

tot mai incet, tot mai aproape… se opreste deasupra ea, si asteapta…ea isi baga mana in parul lui si isi ridicase bazinul, il apasa incet in timp ce o saruta….

se ridica, ii saruta buzele si intra in ea. tot mai puternic, tot mai rapid. ea isi infinse unghiile in spatele lui.

continua sa intre puternic in ea, pana cand oboseste, respiratia i se rareste, respira tot mai greu. atunci ea il impinge, se da la o parte si se aseaza deasupra lui……cu mainile pe pieptul lui…incepe sa-si miste bazinul inainte-inapoi, tot mai rapid…ii tine mainile deasupra capului….si incepe sa se miste mai rar…pentru ca simte ca nu mai rezista…

il simte si pe el tot mai fierbinte, mai puternic, stie ca nu va rezista mult…

se ridica deasupra lui si incepe sa-i sarute trupul..gatul, pieptul ,burta…si coboara tot mai mult…

ii luase jucaria in mana si incepuse sa-l maseze, sa se joace cu el, sa-l excite in continuare. ea il atinse cu varful limbi, apoi ii dadu un pupic rapid.

continua cu un sarut…mai adanc….din ce in ce mai adanc…isi plimba buzele pe toata marimea jucariei lui..incepu sa-l sarute tot mai adanc..mai puternic…si simti ca-i place…il musca putin…continua sa se joace cu mainile….pana cand el nu mai simte….si toata esenta lui se prelingea pe ea…pe sanii ei, pe trupul ei gol…

o saruta, si se imbracasera grabit…in camera cealalta ii asteptau prietenii…

Alex auzi ca este strigat…si atunci…se trezi…

“-Ce faci mah omule? ai adormit cand stateam de vorba?”

Se uita in jur, ea era cu prietenul ei pe canapea, el era singur in fotoliu. a fost doar un vis. tradarea e reala.

Era vara.

Era noaptea tarziu.

Era o plaja cu adieri placute si calde.

Era sunetul valurilor rasunand.

Era un el. Si o ea.

Erau doi pe o plaja vasta singuri in noapte. Se plimbau.

Era doar el, ea a plecat.

Era un suflet singur si pustiu.

Era o umbra langa el, o amintire din trecut.

Era un suflet frant, asa a si ramas.

The Black Cat. The Beggining

Him: ‘But why? I thought everything was going on so well…. How could you do this? How could you make a decision like this and just let me know as if it were something so…normal?’

Anja: ‘I just can. I don’t know why. I just don’t feel as much as I wanted for you. I am sorry. This was an amazing week, but now we should both see our own lives. Goodbye.’

And Anja turned around and left the bar full of smoke, with the same attitude she walked in a week before: serious, upset, sad, with an eyesight which would intimidate even the most cruel of killers. She didn’t hear what the man she was sitting with at the table screamed after her. Or maybe she didn’t want to. She wanted to forget the nights of passion, the tenderness and soft words. She thought she didn’t deserve something that good, therefore she wanted to end it there not to hurt him. She just came in and out of his life like a black cat…

A few days later, she entered a bar. Alone. She was dressed in black. She had a serious look, with her green, deep eyes and long black hair. She sat at the bar. Her curved back was extremely seductive. Soon enough, she laid her eyes on a man standing at the other end of the bar. He was exactly how she liked him: tall, broad back, dark-haired, with a seductive smile. She smiled at him, slowly smoking her cigarette. She turned her sight for a few moments to ask the bartender for a drink, and when she looked back he was gone. Few moments later, a deep and warm voice was addressing her. It was the guy she was looking at earlier…

And they started talking. And talking. When he asked Anja for her number, she told him to meet her the next night, at the same time, in the same place…

And she exited the bar. He went after her, but lost her trace. But he was still scenting her perfume in the air. And the only thing he could do now was to wait for the next night to meet her, although he had the strange feeling he is not gonna see her again.

The next night came, along with Anja’s dark, seductive figure. And so did that dark-haired man. They talked and talked, night after night. And he always got that strange feeling every night. Until one time, when she decided to take their relationship to the nest level.

Her apartment was dark, and he could scent her perfume in every corner of the house. He was overwhelmed by feelings. Anja had changed him. He didn’t know exactly how, but she succeeded that. He felt that he could live along her side forever. He became scared of those feelings, which were gone as soon as he kissed Anja. She had a weird influence on him. That kiss led to the bedroom. They were both impatient of what was to happen…

Pleasure moans tore the night’s silence, as he was fastening the rhythm, harder, and harder, again and again…until the magic was spoiled by daylight. Anja fell asleep like a baby, and the dark-haired man was looking at her and playing with her hair. He could not think of anything else except her. Soon after, he fell asleep too…

Curvei, cu drag…

Aparu pe scena intr-o rochie neagra, lunga, eleganta. Cu parul prins la spate in coc, ochelarii pe ochi. Un adevarat aspect de business woman. Vazand-o acolo, dupa 10 ani, isi amintea de zilele in care se uita in spatele clasei si o vedea cu aceasi tinuta eleganta, cu ochelarii la ochi si acel zambet. Cateodata parea femeia de vis. Altadata parea doar o curva ce evoluase, se ridicase la un nou nivel. Stia ce sa faca sa atraga atentia fara a fi prea vulgara.

La after-party se dusese la ea cu un pahar de sampanie in mana.

“-Buna! long time no see…cred ca au trecut vreo 10 ani” ii spuse barbatul imbracat intr-un costum impecabil, cu cravata la gat si paltonul pe brat.

“Hei, nu ma asteptam sa te vad aici. Te fapt, nu ma asteptam sa te mai vad vreodata.” Pe fata femeii se vazu acelasi zambet de curva. Buzele ei emanau un erotism irezistibil. pe masura ce privirea ii cobora, barbatul ii examina fiecare parte a corpului, parca comparandu-i trupul cu cel de acum 10 ani.

Femeia il vede, si parca dandu-si seama de gandurile barbatului il trase de mana si ii sopti la ureche “hai in camera mea!”
Cei doi urcara in lift, insa barbatul nu mai putea rezista. Incepuse sa o sarute puternic, cu o mana tinand-o de ceafa si cu cealalta explorandu-i corpul.

Cei doi ajung in camera ei, el pe jumatate dezbracat iar eu cu rochia sifonata. Dupa 10 ani de fantezii, avea in fata lui corpul la care tanjise atata timp. Isi dadu camasa jos si strangand-o la piept ii dadu jos chilotii si sutienul, lasand-o neputincioasa in fata fortei lui. Cel putin asa se simtea el. Vroia sa fie stapan, vroia sa o trateze ca pe o curva, sperand ca astfel se va simti si el mai potent si mai puternic. A luat-o in brate, a pus-o pe burta pe patul imens si penetrand-o din spate incepu sa se simta din ce in ce mai bine. Se simtea puternic, se simtea Dumnezeu. tinand-o cu o mana de par, ii facea placere sa ii auda gemetele si tipetele.

Ritmul crescuse…corpul lui il lovea pe al ei din ce in ce mai repede…cand deodata…pentru cateva secunde inima inceteaza sa-i bata, prin corp ii trece un fior puternic si cade intins pe pat langa ea.

A doua zi dimineata disparuse fara sa lase macar un bilet.

Late at Night

Click this link to listen the song

She lay on the bed in her long, thin, black bath rope. Her mind was hollow. She was listening to the songs which meant something to her: each song represented another piece of her broken heart. Those pieces were scattered all over her forgotten past. She had always tried to forget THEM, but THEIR memories would never leave her alone. THEY were alive in her mind, always smiling to her, hugging her, kissing her… But when the nice memories had put a smile on her face, she remembered how all her relationships ended.

It was night. Late at night. She received a phone call. It was him, the guy she liked and dated although when she met him, she had a relationship. But still, she didn’t cheat on her boyfriend. The two just dated for months, until she decided that the relationship had no use, and was making her unhappy. So, A.L. called her one night. It was past twelve, and she was home alone. After the talk, he came to her place. She was in her bath rope, and she didn’t care him seeing her dressed like that. They talked for several hours. They didn’t feel tired at all, but still she laid on the bed. He approached her and hugged her. A bit later on, she fell asleep. He kissed her forehead and she woke up. The hug’s grasp was tighter and tighter… they kissed. She was hypnotized by the warmth of his body, by the alert rhythm of his heartbeat… They were happy.

They watched the sun rise from her room’s window, while she was having a smoke. There was a rosy and orange sky, with a blood-red sun.
The Girl: I never thought we would be given this chance…
A.L. Neither did I. But it seems that the sun has risen on our street at last…